Bastians Weekly Recommendations

Spiderman 3 (USA, 2007)

There it is: the worst and most ridiculous movie of all time! Even the first two movies had the story of a daily soap but at least they were quite entertaining. But this one is just an impertinence. The story is totally stupid and the action / special effects totally average. The movie hits the rock bottom when Peter starts being an ultra cool womanizer / playboy (including an awkward hair cut) who first presents an embarrising dance in order to make his girlfriend jealous and then enters the street, puts up his collar, walks down the street like the coolest guy ever (of course supported by fake cool music) and winks to every girl passing by… I actually felt physical pain while watching this scene!!!

10,000 BC (USA, 2008)

I know you should not expect something ambitous from Roland Emmerich‘s movies. However most of his work was very entertaining (Independence Day, The Day after Tomorrow, 2012) however this one went completely wrong. The story (if there is one) is a joke, the actors are grotty and the fact that he mixes the stone age with the egytic age, some aribc influences and at the end even with mystic elements rounds this piece of crap up to be the no. 2 of my personal worst movies of all time.

The Mummy – Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (USA, 2008)

Another sequel that the world hasn’t needed. When you don’t have new ideas you just make a sequel to a good movie and exploit it’s good name in order to make some money. Unfortunately this happened to “The Mummy”, too. The original movies where good, entertaining and athmospheric. It seems that there was nothing left for this second sequel. The whole movie is uninspired and you can actually see that the actors just did it for the money and that they didn’t have fun making it.

Alone in the Dark (USA, 2005)

Representing for every “movie” from German export nightmare Uwe Boll. None of his movies is at least average. They are all bad, stupid and ridiculous and an impertinence to watch. Best example is the worst scene of this piece of garbage: Christian Slater and Tara Reid are hunted by a monster. So they hide in a totally dark room with a window at the door. However instead of using the darkness to hide they switch on a flashlight (god knows where they got it from) and shine in their own faces… The biggest wonder of Uwe Boll however is, that he always gets some famous actors for his movies (Christian Slater, Til Schweiger, Jason Statham, Ray Liotta…).

Friday the 13th (USA, 2009)

It has never happened that I left the cinema before the movie was over. While watching this one, I tried to flee several time however my friends forced me to stay. And so I had to experience the worst horror movie / remake ever. I can’t even tell you what the main problem was. It was just dumb and senseless (and I normally like dumb and senseless movies ). Worst scene: “Oh look there is a psycho killer with a machete, carrying a body without a head, let’s follow him and see what he’s up to… So better safe your money on this one and get “Martyrs,” a really good French horror movie.

More movies will follow soon…